My neighbor Assita stopped by to invite me to her birthday party. She was beaming with youth and joy that was contagious, if not slightly bewildering to me, I don't really "get" adult birthday parties. The mom in me associates birthday parties with screaming kids, smeared cake patches and crooked birthday hats. All I can see are bowls of soggy chips and plates full of half eaten hors d'oeurves. I have a long relationship with the joys and stresses of celebrating the children in my life...but not so much experience outside of that,
Having recently read an article in
tiny buddha about the power of yes in
making friends (which is apparently a thing- from Yes Man,
the book and
the movie, to
Shonda Rimes) I decided I needed to accept. I imagined stopping by a bit after the party had gotten into full swing, saying hello and trying out a few conversations and then heading to the gym for a much needed work-out. I guess this approach is called "making an appearance" and doesn't do much to actually instill friendship or create new connections, but I was hoping it would keep the neighborly ties pleasant.
I also planned to bring along Ousmane, always helpful to have at least one friend on hand when walking into the unknown. We arrived about an hour after the time we were told to come, which turned out to be perfect as everyone else was just arriving as well. We were shown to a few tables on the porch, a quiet porch where everyone was waiting. My dreams of a quick appearance began to slowly evaporate.
We waited, chatting quietly. Others arrived, though not many. In total, we were about 9. Our hostess came out to move us to another table and then Assita herself, looking transformed in a beautiful blue dress and flowing locks, insisted we join her at the table of honor.
As she made somewhat ceremonial introductions, Ousmane whispered to me that he had seen two of the women on TV. I nodded, not having seen them myself but realizing that we were among colleagues and friends of Assita, a screen writer and actress, so all things were possible-and probable.
The party began in a formal way, with glasses being served and soft drink selections presented. We were offered a choice of entree- rice or attieke- and served a healthy plate of food. Everyone commenced with the business of eating and Assita continued to beam. She has this inner light that is truly beautiful.
The party was far more intimate and calm than I had imagined. I didn't have a word to say to anyone, but it was a quiet party. The two divas were keeping us entertained with commentary and stories. They were out going enough for all of us. Two young men sat across from me but I hadn't figured out their relation. They were serious and quiet-did I mention that as the theme of the party? - but pleasant.
The food was tasty, well presented, well eaten. We all remarked on the healthy dose of hot pepper at one point or another, but it was good. Our hostess, (I can only remember her as the mother of one of Mohamed's friends) is known for her delicious plates and she takes orders a week or more in advance.
The sun was setting and my gym fantasies were all but extinguished. I wondered what would happen after the food- being in completely foreign territory, all notions of what a party is having been set aside completely. There is really no way I could have been prepared for what happened next.
Apparently the two young men were ministers of a sort. I would have guessed the older gentleman to my left as the minister of the group, so I was somewhat surprised when they began praying. "Blessings for our sister," one of them began in a beautifully deep and rhythmic voice.
He went on to say that birthday celebrations were not about birthdays, really, but a chance to give thanks to God for life, for all that life had brought so far, and all it might continue to bring. He mentioned that many people didn't reach their (next) birthday and so each one signaled that you hadn't completed God's plan, there was still work to be done. He made a lot of good sense and I liked where he was going. He talked (preached) a bit more and then came to a point when he asked everyone to say prayers for Assita. The whole table began talking aloud, not in unison but individual verbal expressions of giving thanks and asking for blessings for her as well as themselves and their families.
Ousmane and I were conspicuously quiet- or would have been but most everyone's eyes were closed as they were filled with the power of sending positive intentions to Jesus. It was quite emotional. Despite our differences in belief systems, I couldn't help but be awed by the concept. I haven't actually experienced a room full of people directing their energies at one person so concretely before. I began to imagine the different forms this could take. I was moved by their devotion and sincerity.
I was reminded again of the African
praise singers, or griots, only rather than singing about past accomplishments, they are there to manifest a positive future.
Later Ousmane told me about a similar experience in the Muslim community. If you have bought a new house, opened a new business or other momentous life event, your friends and family will gather to pray for you. Someone will read from the Qu'ran "
jusque les gents plure"- until people are moved to tears. It sounds so beautiful, this gathering around and praying, or wishing well for another with all that you are, or sending positive energy in megablasts- however you want to frame it.
We made our exit soon after. My whole perspective of adult birthday parties, and birthday celebrations in general now altered.
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| Assita beaming with joy |
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| Us- with the guest of honor |
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| Ousmane and the 2 divas |
