Things never work out the way you thought. Or more accurately, most often things have a specific way of working out and that may or may not be the way you wanted. It is getting slightly easier to adjust to this perspective. But it does take concentration and a certain conviction to do so. I have to work at it.
The last few days have been such a kaleidoscope of emotions that I can't really pick what I want to write about. The village is a great place to start. It is slow going. I knew it would be, taking the trip only every other weekend. There are 2 schools of thought in art therapy- the idea that values the creation as cathartic and important in and of itself versus the idea that verbal processing is a necessary component for self reflection and growth. Being me, I see the inherent value in both sides.
With the boys, there is the challenge of language. If I am to be running the group as a 'group' then I need the ability to monitor the language more than I can. They are social, chatty and make comments frequently- the kind 17 year old boys make. But, I cannot understand their words and thus guide their interactions into a 'group norm.' And so, instead, I ask questions. I make quiet suggestions about their art work and the direction it will take. I am trying to open their minds to the possibility of a new world in ever subtle ways.
In one case, a boy had drawn a picture of his hand, outstretched. I asked him what was behind it, what was he reaching for? He did not want to say. Finally, he said,"Nothing," though added a watch to the wrist.
"Is it true," I asked, "that you want nothing?" I was half joking, trying for a light-hearted interaction but also pushing him to think a bit. He looked me directly in the eye and I am not exactly sure what I saw there. But he said again, "Rien." It's not easy for me to tell if he meant it, if he meant to give me his tough guy look, or if he simply meant he couldn't face it.
On the other hand, a boy was drawing a fairly skilled image of some monkeys in a tree. He had placed a stylized sun in the corner. I invited him to decide, " Is it day or night?" and he took this suggestion and decided to make it a night party. He was open to a new idea and also seemed excited at figuring out how to make it appear a night sky. It seems like a small thing, but I clearly saw a light in his face as he thought about it and responded with a smile, "La nuit."
It was because of this light that I was paricularly distressed to see later, another boy painting over the beautiful orange-red sun. He had crossed out the original artist signature and signed his own and made a few changes to the color. Disappointing.
I sat with the two boys and an educator/translator to try and discuss things. Time was short and it didn't end the way I'd have liked. There was still some resentment, naturally. Both boys are fairly talented but clearly it was a motive of jealousy. It is hard for these boys to feel successful and valued. It is one of those moments that makes you want to stay for so long, trying to replace all of the things they are missing. Its not possible, I know.But there was that moment of light and it's all I can see from here. There was a shift in possibility. Things don't always have to be what they once seemed. You might just have to work a bit at seeing it.
