I've lost another friend this week. She was a distant friend, to be sure. Having made her home in the uppermost corner of my bathroom ceiling, we never came into close contact. I did gaze in her direction several times a day, checking to be sure she was still in presence (and also, I admit, that she wasn't about to fall on me, being right over the doorway as she was.) She did come down once or twice, for food I imagine.On one occasion I had the chance to see her at eye level. She had stopped in the outer edge of the molding, just by the light switch. I thought she was leaving us, but I found her later that evening in her familiar spot.
I am not a great fan of spiders and certainly never had the desire to pet her or touch her. On the contrary, I often imagined the terror and hysteria I would feel if she fell on me. Actually, I did wonder if the fondness I felt for her would alleviate some of that. I think I was trying to make it a true fondness- to cement our relationship.
All the while I was wondering about the meaning of so many spiders in my life. Not just passing through or scurrying along the woodwork but really present. I did not give her a name. (She was not nearly as fascinating as Rock Star, having no web, although I did witness her munching a rather large cancrelat) But I gave a lot of thought to what message I could derive from their presence.
I searched through the symbolism of spiders in myths and lore. Several relevant topics came to light (things always seem relevant when we are looking.) Spiders are often meant to depict creativity and wisdom, as well of course, as trickery and aggression. All of these things have a potential meaning to my life and I could pick any one of them to see a messge in. And for awhile I did enjoy a subtle meaning from each of them.
It was only later, while reading a children's story to the boys, that I found a completely satisfying connection. It came when I wasn't even looking, the way all the best revelations come. We were reading the story of Mohamed and his escape from Mecca. While traveling with Abu Bakr towards Medina, pursued by enemies filled with bloodlust and hate, Mohamed took shelter in a cave. Allah caused a spider's web to cover the entrance to their cave and this natural camouflage (along with a nesting bird in a nearby tree) was enough to convince the warriors that the cave was empty.
Staring at me from the page was a simple spider's web. It all seemed to connect, in one perfect moment. The story, from A is for Allah (by Yusuf Islam,) was contained on a page about the hijrah or the journey from one place to another. In the case of Islam, it was the journey of Mohamed seeking a place to worship Allah freely. It was a journey of sacrifice and new beginnings. For the people of Medina, who not only welcomed Mohamed and his followers, but agreed to give half of their belongings the emigrants who had come with so little, it was a moment of acceptance and transformation.
With this new thought behind my little friend in the ceiling corner, I had a lot to ponder. So I was a bit disappointed to return home yesterday and find her missing. I had expected it would be coming, spiders don't live very long. But I missed her immediately. And then a thought occurred.
I checked with Mama Vero to be sure. "My friend is gone, hey?" I asked. She hesitated. I knew.
"Did you like her?" Mama Vero could never really understand my tolerance of all the spiders around our house. The story slowly came out that it was an untimely death. A killing. A murder. I was truly crushed. Somehow, even ridiculously so, I felt like I had betrayed my spider friend, left her unprotected. Perhaps there is a message in here as well.
Mama Vero laughed at my dismay, but I am left feeling profoundly sad over the death of a spider.
