One of the most remarkable differences from my displacement has been the increased formality of speech. It takes a little bit of getting used to, all this politeness. I end up feeling like a vulgar American more and more.
The most common greeting when coming upon a group of people- whether as the new passenger in a crowded taxi or the new customer in a full waiting room- is 'Bonjour Messieurs et Madames' only to my ears it comes out in a clipped Bonjour Messieur Dames, roughly equivalent to saying Good morning Mr. Lady. Covers all the bases and allows me some humor to interpret it this way.
This format all extends to our faculty meetings at school. We are all addressed as Mr or Ms Somebody- the very informal first name is never used. It's taken me twice as long to figure out everyone's name this way and there are still plenty of people I do not know. But I admit there is something welcoming and distinguishing in being addressed so formally. Something professional. Which helps to orient me to time and place. Akin the effect of uniforms on student behavior, using the polite form of address helps to keep boundaries established. It's not a bad thing.
A further stretch for me, however, is the teacher-teacher I get from my students. I find it impersonal and oh so annoying. I have worked hard to try and change this habit of theirs for my own sanity. Some of them are capable now of greeting me each morning with a friendly Good morning Ms. Soumah, which feels just right. I do realize it is a long habit for them and have worked a bit on myself- trying to find a way to make the teacher-teacher more acceptable to my ears. I began searching for other professions in which we use the generic title as a form of respect. Doctor immediately came to mind. Even a friend agreed that making the correlation was a stretch but sometimes it works. Teaching is a science and while not necessarily saving physical lives, surely the minds of generations have been saved and served by good teaching.
Besides the flowery nuances of the language (which I am tempted to say I'll never master, but I might yet) there is The Kiss. I have never felt more American, more distinctly different than in the face of that traditional greeting. (Although this article, which seems to fly in the face of all the others, says Americans love to kiss.) My co teacher as taken to reserving this for only when we've returned from the two week vacation. "Since it's been so long," he will say. The others don't even attempt it and I am grateful. I remember managing well enough in Kinshasa, though the Belgians are not the French and seem slightly more forgiving. There, in Kin, the kiss wasn't really a question. We all laughingly suffered through the ritual greeting trying to determine if it would be two or three, which would invariably leave one participant going in for the third while the other had already moved away. One funny someone would preface the greeting with a number- helpful and humorous. "Two? OK two." Cheek to cheek and cheek to cheek and then, "Hello, so nice to see you."
My memories may be not quite accurate as there was one artist friend of mine who remarked to me one day that it had taken him awhile to realize I was friendly and nice I just don't kiss. (insert a wry grin as my response.) I do realize my inexperience in this area led me to misinterpreting some of the talk about kissing, and signing of text messages with bisou- which is just a nice way of saying goodbye and not anything more. (But really, as a fresh off the plane formerly uncultured American, how could I know that?? Especially when this particular goodbye kisser had charm and intriguing looks to go with.) I should have read the rules before ever getting caught up in the whole business. It did lead to uncharacteristic boldness on my part (having thought he had actually initiated interest with all his talk of bisous.)
In the end, the world is always more interesting when we are bold - it's good to remember. For the most part though, I have taken an observer's role through much of these last 9 months. There are a few worlds colliding, though it feels like a like less than the kaleidoscope of Kinshasa. I'm certain to have it all worked out in no time.
