I'm supposed to be writing a paper. Any writer worth their salt will recognize this post as distraction. And it is. But it is also filled with nostalgia. I was browsing through previous posts ( I thought there was one or two that might make interesting vignettes in my paper, really, I was here with academic intention) and realized it's not the first time I've reflected on my quality and quantity of writing. Which is essentially a reflection on my quality and quantity of living.
If Abidjan was the lost years, years spent in shock over a break up and then trying to pick up the pieces and see a way forward, Bamako seems like the silent years. The quiet years. The lonely years. I have an idea or two kicking around for an interesting post, but mostly, it's not happening. You know. You can see. My absence is telling.
I have just another excuse now, the doctorate program is going to eat up all my time. Already I feel like it is a race to read everything (which we were told on the first day of classes by one professor that it is unlikely we will actually be able to read all assignments. The student council welcomed us with a powerpoint including tips on "how to gut a book" and other grad school strategies for understanding without reading every page.) I am determined to read as much as possible, though, and have succeeded only in feeling as though I will mix up all my references and attribute quotes to wrong authors and babble incoherently.
Luckily, or not, many of the ideas overlap and support each other. Another student made reference to the same worries as she posted a comment and then wrote, "I hope that is the right reference. So much reading!" Yes, we are feeling it.
The one thing I am not feeling is the stress of getting it done. I don't have other things- or people- pulling at my time. The routine is set. Mbalia gets her hours and once she is in bed, I am free to work (or procrastinate by writing here. But it is likely, I will be on hiatus- after my next post about perspective and painting and the feelings this city evokes in me.)
Bamako is pretty empty for me, though a friend just shared a video clip of Dogon dancers in a festival downtown. Everything starts so unpredictably, and the traffic creates such long lines and late nights. I am not interested. I would rather walk the neighborhood with my girl and get excited about the white horse or a fun little hill to climb. She still wonders at the sounds of the goats and searches the skies for bats. This morning we happened to be up with the stars and she couldn't stop remarking on their beauty, especially when coupled with the moon.
While I have fleeting moments of guilt- I should expose her to culture and take her to the masked dance, I myself might have enjoyed the masked dance, but I see it all as a trade off in time. For now, it's good enough, the girl and I hanging together, doing my studies, a little yoga. These quiet years won't last forever. All things are temporary.
I might try to write more often- or at least once a month. I might try to notice how Bamako is different, unique, magical. But I might also try to get through my studies, love my girl and look forward to our next spot, which will hopefully be ever closer to home.
29.1.19
9.1.19
Among the Americans
Despite the somewhat dismal previous post about the state of 2019, the new year promises to bring plenty of positives as well. Personally, it is the start of a new kind of journey, one dedicated to scholarly pursuit and fulfillment of a dream. Several dreams, actually. And it is super exciting.
I am here in the US, among the Americans. It definitely feels that way. My stateside experiences have become colored through various lenses and many have written about the reverse culture shock of trying to return home. But, as happens for many immigrants, the more time away and the more time spent in another culture creates permanent shifts. I am American, of course, but it feels like American plus...or maybe American minus. They feel different. I feel different, like an outsider looking in.
The relationship with food is the thing most standing out to me this time. Other things like race and religion, of course. You can't go to America without talking race and religion. The thing about the food issue is that no one is talking about it, and no one seems aware of it.
Americans eat a lot. All the time. I am here starting classes- the days are filled with 2 hour classes, usually followed by a few hours break and then another class. There are required dinners and optional presentations in-between. There is an hour for lunch on your own.
No matter what class I am in- before lunch, after lunch, after the required dinner, someone is eating. Sometimes it is the same someones, munching their way through every class. Last night I was at a student presentation- his final capstone project on popular music influence and the legacy of MLK. It was an engaging presentation and a huge project. People were rattling bags and snacking and even eating an entire salad. I was stunned. I am continually stunned.
I wondered why she couldn't wait an hour to eat her salad? Or what had she done with the hour before this presentation that prevented her from eating? I am stunned at the disrespect to the presenter, the inability to wait for an appropriate time and also, and perhaps most importantly, the inability to be truly present- either with the salad or the presenter.
Eating your food while attending a discussion class (because, let's face it, all of these higher ed classes are going to be discussion classes and with themes like ethical leadership and cultural differences, it's going to be full of hot conversations) seems the epitome of conflict. Are you going to be eating or talking?
While, to me, it appears disrespectful to the professors or the presenters to be eating, often I notice the snackers are not really paying attention to their food anyway; it is a mindless eating. Which makes me wonder all the more why they are doing it, at this moment? Surely the salad would be so much more enjoyable and fulfilling if you were to sit and eat it and enjoy it. Be present with it. Make it a meal, understand the sacredness of food. The gift of food.
It's what is missing. The idea that food - as a nourishing entity, is not only essential but sacred. And deserves our attention, our gratefulness, our presence.
The same can be said for the conversation, the presentation, the class. We are here to engage with others- in person- for a short time before we continue our virtual studies together. This is a fleeting moment to connect with our classmates, to put nuances in manner of habit and speaking together to try and understand perspectives and backgrounds that we are each bringing to the experience. It is a short moment to observe and connect. Why is your attention diverted? Why is this time, my time, not sacred to you?
I am appalled by this, the Americans' inability to be present, to be in the moment, to recognize the sacred. I am stunned. Mostly because I had naively assumed this was a problem only amongst my middle school students. Perhaps I haven't been getting out enough. Surely I haven't been in many social circles. Maybe it is not an American affliction- perhaps it is a human condition. In either case, in any case, it is detrimental to our social connections and our social need. All other benefits aside, this is one aspect I am not enjoying among the Americans.
I am here in the US, among the Americans. It definitely feels that way. My stateside experiences have become colored through various lenses and many have written about the reverse culture shock of trying to return home. But, as happens for many immigrants, the more time away and the more time spent in another culture creates permanent shifts. I am American, of course, but it feels like American plus...or maybe American minus. They feel different. I feel different, like an outsider looking in.
The relationship with food is the thing most standing out to me this time. Other things like race and religion, of course. You can't go to America without talking race and religion. The thing about the food issue is that no one is talking about it, and no one seems aware of it.
Americans eat a lot. All the time. I am here starting classes- the days are filled with 2 hour classes, usually followed by a few hours break and then another class. There are required dinners and optional presentations in-between. There is an hour for lunch on your own.
No matter what class I am in- before lunch, after lunch, after the required dinner, someone is eating. Sometimes it is the same someones, munching their way through every class. Last night I was at a student presentation- his final capstone project on popular music influence and the legacy of MLK. It was an engaging presentation and a huge project. People were rattling bags and snacking and even eating an entire salad. I was stunned. I am continually stunned.
I wondered why she couldn't wait an hour to eat her salad? Or what had she done with the hour before this presentation that prevented her from eating? I am stunned at the disrespect to the presenter, the inability to wait for an appropriate time and also, and perhaps most importantly, the inability to be truly present- either with the salad or the presenter.
Eating your food while attending a discussion class (because, let's face it, all of these higher ed classes are going to be discussion classes and with themes like ethical leadership and cultural differences, it's going to be full of hot conversations) seems the epitome of conflict. Are you going to be eating or talking?
While, to me, it appears disrespectful to the professors or the presenters to be eating, often I notice the snackers are not really paying attention to their food anyway; it is a mindless eating. Which makes me wonder all the more why they are doing it, at this moment? Surely the salad would be so much more enjoyable and fulfilling if you were to sit and eat it and enjoy it. Be present with it. Make it a meal, understand the sacredness of food. The gift of food.
It's what is missing. The idea that food - as a nourishing entity, is not only essential but sacred. And deserves our attention, our gratefulness, our presence.
The same can be said for the conversation, the presentation, the class. We are here to engage with others- in person- for a short time before we continue our virtual studies together. This is a fleeting moment to connect with our classmates, to put nuances in manner of habit and speaking together to try and understand perspectives and backgrounds that we are each bringing to the experience. It is a short moment to observe and connect. Why is your attention diverted? Why is this time, my time, not sacred to you?
I am appalled by this, the Americans' inability to be present, to be in the moment, to recognize the sacred. I am stunned. Mostly because I had naively assumed this was a problem only amongst my middle school students. Perhaps I haven't been getting out enough. Surely I haven't been in many social circles. Maybe it is not an American affliction- perhaps it is a human condition. In either case, in any case, it is detrimental to our social connections and our social need. All other benefits aside, this is one aspect I am not enjoying among the Americans.
2.1.19
the state of 2019
Mexico is paying for the wall
Jair Bolsonaro has been sworn in
JK is hoping for annulled elections due to their chaotic implementation - eerily familiar to this 2011 outcome
Madagascar is crying foul too,
Sudan is having its own economic crisis, and protests for elections
No internet in either of those countries...
China and Taiwan continue
Nicaragua
West Africa is a mess....
Niger
Nigeria
Mali
Burkina Faso
Algeria
then there are natural disasters
women's issues
Saudi Arabia
children dying
children are dying
and more children are dying
there's a lot of work to do.
unless you're in the US gov. in which case, no work at all.
Jair Bolsonaro has been sworn in
JK is hoping for annulled elections due to their chaotic implementation - eerily familiar to this 2011 outcome
Madagascar is crying foul too,
Sudan is having its own economic crisis, and protests for elections
No internet in either of those countries...
China and Taiwan continue
Nicaragua
West Africa is a mess....
Niger
Nigeria
Mali
Burkina Faso
Algeria
then there are natural disasters
women's issues
Saudi Arabia
children dying
children are dying
and more children are dying
there's a lot of work to do.
unless you're in the US gov. in which case, no work at all.
1.1.19
Talking to yourself and other strategies for maintaining control
It's come and gone- the tensely awaited election day in Congo. While it didn't go as badly as it could have- some people actually got to vote- it certainly didn't qualify for a 'free and fair democratic election.' Voting stations didn't open, those that did faced- to no one's surprise- electricity problems that prevented the electronic voting machines from functioning properly. Voters couldn't find their names on the list, they didn't have time to wait in long lines, long lines pushed and shoved and refused to be orderly. Persistent voters in Beni organized their own process after being excluded from the election, along with several other cities, by the capital.
None of this is surprising. I think despite a fragile hope that these elections would somehow give way to new leadership in Kinshasa, all signs point to JK holding onto power by any means necessary. The part I can't quite fathom is the talking yourself into it. How does he manage to convince himself of what he is doing? Any trek outdoors makes it clear that the population is not in support of this.
I wonder also at the coordination between so many players. How do they all face themselves each morning? They must resort to adding preprinted ballots, menacing voters, and other techniques of cheating and lying. Perhaps the money they stand to gain is worth it all. Perhaps they really believe in what they are doing.
I was reminded of a book I'd recently read about rewiring negative messages from the past. The book discusses the science behind changing messages we tell ourselves everyday that ultimately lead to defeat. One of the biggest criteria for changing old ideas is simply repetition. In order to create new neural pathways, one has only to repeat an action, a thought, a behavior enough times to create a new roadway for it to become habit. Helmstetter writes, "programming creates beliefs, beliefs create attitudes, attitudes create feelings, feelings determine actions, actions create results." His main idea being that it all starts with the stories we tell ourselves. If we truly want to create outer change, we must make changes to the input first.
It makes good sense. The mind has incredible powers of manifesting the information it hears. We're just not always aware of the information going in- or we don't take the necessary time to monitor, filter, and protect our thoughts from damaging information. If I am ready to believe this will work for me, then I must believe it is the way those holding onto power in the DRC get through each day.
They simply repeat to themselves that they are in power, they deserve power and their lives depend on it. They are willing to do anything, including murder their own citizens, in order to maintain access to the millions they cypher each year.
But in reality, simply repeating something doesn't make it true. Not when there are others involved, a whole country of people rallying against you. You can't just talk your way into a dictatorship- or can you?
The American government has ordered its citizens to leave the country. The email was rather blunt.
So what makes this time so different that the US government has decided to call for departure from the country? Once again the Congolese are left to fight the battle themselves. Despite the many social media posts, there are few articles about the election process or its aftermath, and among them, the language seems tame.
The ruling party is pulling out all tricks for maintaining control. It seems like the international community is busy talking itself into alternate realities as well. It's up to the population now to take matters into their own hands. Courage to the Congolese for 2019.
None of this is surprising. I think despite a fragile hope that these elections would somehow give way to new leadership in Kinshasa, all signs point to JK holding onto power by any means necessary. The part I can't quite fathom is the talking yourself into it. How does he manage to convince himself of what he is doing? Any trek outdoors makes it clear that the population is not in support of this.
I wonder also at the coordination between so many players. How do they all face themselves each morning? They must resort to adding preprinted ballots, menacing voters, and other techniques of cheating and lying. Perhaps the money they stand to gain is worth it all. Perhaps they really believe in what they are doing.
I was reminded of a book I'd recently read about rewiring negative messages from the past. The book discusses the science behind changing messages we tell ourselves everyday that ultimately lead to defeat. One of the biggest criteria for changing old ideas is simply repetition. In order to create new neural pathways, one has only to repeat an action, a thought, a behavior enough times to create a new roadway for it to become habit. Helmstetter writes, "programming creates beliefs, beliefs create attitudes, attitudes create feelings, feelings determine actions, actions create results." His main idea being that it all starts with the stories we tell ourselves. If we truly want to create outer change, we must make changes to the input first.
It makes good sense. The mind has incredible powers of manifesting the information it hears. We're just not always aware of the information going in- or we don't take the necessary time to monitor, filter, and protect our thoughts from damaging information. If I am ready to believe this will work for me, then I must believe it is the way those holding onto power in the DRC get through each day.
They simply repeat to themselves that they are in power, they deserve power and their lives depend on it. They are willing to do anything, including murder their own citizens, in order to maintain access to the millions they cypher each year.
But in reality, simply repeating something doesn't make it true. Not when there are others involved, a whole country of people rallying against you. You can't just talk your way into a dictatorship- or can you?
The American government has ordered its citizens to leave the country. The email was rather blunt.
Security Alert - U.S. Embassy Kinshasa, Democratic Republic of the Congo (December 31, 2018)
Location: DRC, countrywide
Event: The government of the DRC shut down internet services on December 31 in the aftermath of the elections. Phone lines are still a functioning way of communication.
Actions to Take:
It goes on to list other steps, but really, after the first one what more information do you need? However, this is not the first time the government has blocked the internet and phone systems. I recall something quite similar during the last elections. And several times in between.
Depart the country.
So what makes this time so different that the US government has decided to call for departure from the country? Once again the Congolese are left to fight the battle themselves. Despite the many social media posts, there are few articles about the election process or its aftermath, and among them, the language seems tame.
The ruling party is pulling out all tricks for maintaining control. It seems like the international community is busy talking itself into alternate realities as well. It's up to the population now to take matters into their own hands. Courage to the Congolese for 2019.
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