7.8.21

African conversations

One of my recent thoughts trailed off... "back when I was American." I was not challenging my passport identification or the legality of it all- I am and must remain, for better or worse, American, though I am not always sure what that means to me. Or what someone who asks is hoping to glean from knowing my country of birth. No, my last thought referred  more to a mindset- back when foreign seemed so undeniably foreign and perhaps even less, though part of me insists that I've been open-minded of others and critical of American traditions all along. What I see now, so thoroughly, is how challenging it is to actually present a real picture of everyday life. The gap is wide. It is a gulf, a literal ocean between us. I am left standing on this shore, looking over, wondering whether I should invest my time in presenting images of a better Congo, a more beautiful and inviting Congo, to counter the war-torn, violent, rapist culture preferred by media or whether I should try to help one put themselves in the real shoes of a person who lives on one meal a day, or gathers their water in buckets every morning, or studies by moonlight because the electricity has gone out...again. 

It is a balance. When celebrating the wins, I realize they are not just wins- they are not comparable wins, because whatever gains your average Congolese makes- from small daily successes to achievements over a lifetime- they've done so by surmounting obstacles every minute. I was just imagining out loud to a friend, "Look at what Africans have accomplished- imagine if there was electricity and water - imagine what Africans could do. They'd be unstoppable." And then we got lost in discussing how the privileged have squandered their haves on a bunch of initiatives that do so little to truly advance humanity. And how perhaps the idea of a continent filled with unstoppable Africans is a truly terrifying and threatening idea for some.

These conversations are balanced with discussions in my classes and with my professors. Two recent exchanges have been replaying in mind for weeks now. One, a discussion around vaccines and how we are managing with the virus over here, was revealing of the distance. Or perhaps it is difference. I shared the idea that most Congolese, dare I say Africans?, are more concerned about malaria than corona. Malaria? Their response came in the form of a question. They hadn't heard (much) about the disease that, in 2019 had 229 million cases and killed 409,000 people, 274,000 of which were children. Like all reports, the numbers are subject to being lower than actual considering those who do not or cannot seek diagnosis or treatment. There exists the suspicion that if malaria were affecting wealthy, white countries, there would have been affordable treatment available to all, oh- kind of like the free vaccine available in the US. Or that malaria would have been wiped out by now, oh- kind of like polio.     

I found myself surprised, and frustrated, that they were unaware of country and capital names, or major issues like malaria. Am I expecting too much of Americans to look across their borders and understand the wider world? Often, I hear Americans discuss the difficulties in their own "backyard" as one reason why they do not look out across the oceans. I see two challenges with this approach. One, many are unable to cite positive examples of programs and initiatives that occur in Europe or elsewhere. It is not just problem focused, but holds potential to be solution focused if one were to examine how other countries manage social and economic issues. Two, other citizens make a point to know what's going on in the world. It seems uniquely American to be so insular as to not have a basic understanding of the names and places important to global politics. And perhaps I am making broad sweeping statements, and you are one of the few who wants to raise their hand and resist. I see you. I know you are there, but in general, Americans are hugely disappointing. 

In another casual discussion I was noting the importance of inter-African collaboration. We'd just completed an amazing workshop with an artist from Mali and Congolese participants (is this a post? There is so much about that experience that needs to be a post.) In my 6 year tour of African countries, the first and most prevalent question I was asked, "What's it like over there, compared to here?" Aside from wondering which is "better," Africans are interested in the details of how other Africans are living. During our closing ceremony, our Malian guest and a Congolese invitee were talking. "You live well here," he remarked. "People eat every day, there is good food. It's not too expensive." Both the listener and I exploded in laughter. As a guest, of course we would not let him go hungry. As a guest, he still hadn't internalized the money system, all the more complex because of the use of both dollars and franc Congolaise. He kept asking, " How much is that in franc cefa?" and the Congolese artists kept asking, "How much in dollars?" 

Many people in Congo do not eat everyday. This is a simple statement, perhaps surprising to some, certainly surprising to my advisor, who turned it back to me in the form of a question. "Do you mean there are some people who really don't eat everyday?" And I could see how far apart we were. Because I don't mean there are some poor, starving children with flies in the corner of their eyes. I mean, there are some men and women who get up and go to work everyday, or who like to sit and have intelligent conversations and make beautiful creations. And sometimes, they don't have enough to eat, or eat properly. So, what is a meal in Congo?

Sometimes a meal is a bag of peanuts and a bag of manioc slices. For some reason, these things go together. A seller will have little plastic bags of each and generally, you buy them both. Sometimes a meal is a small roll of bread or half of a baguette. These can be eaten plain with tea or occasionally smeared with peanut butter, or stuffed with sausage. In the morning, omelets are available also on the street. So, this might the be the only thing eaten in a day, or it might be breakfast. It really depends on the day.

Sometimes a friend might come along with a meal to share or an unexpected visitor might necessitate buying a drink which hadn't been in the program. Evening meals, or midday meals can be anything from a plate of rice and sauce (beans or some kind of greens) to foufou and dried fish or a sauce. Sometimes there isn't. I guess that's the thing. Sometimes people don't eat everyday. And when they do, it certainly isn't a lot. Snacks, in the typical American sense, don't really exist. Peanuts might be a snack. For people who drink, it is common to see peanut sellers offering a small cupful or plastic baggie to accompany the beer. But the idea, so natural to me now, I realize is a far cry from what Americans imagine when they think of a meal, or cupboards stocked with food. It's not really the same at all, and I realized the visual difference in imagining the daily diet during these conversations. 

What I wanted to do was shift the emphasis from people who aren't eating enough, or who view mealtimes as a specific moment to people who consume in excess. Americans eat way more than is necessary- might I even suggest desirable, or healthy. The narrative seems to be about bringing other countries up to this standard rather than getting Americans to see that they are overindulgent. Perhaps that is where there is room to grow. I am not suggesting that there isn't room for improvement- of course I think all people should have access to adequate food every day. 

This is basis of some of Paul Collier's arguments in his book The Bottom Billion... it is not enough to try and build up some of the poorest countries, but that some of the richest countries will also have to build down- reduce their consumption. Citizens of wealthy countries have exaggerated their "needs" and globally, it is necessary for a recalibration. We must reassess what is necessary, what is healthy and what is possible for all to achieve. We absolutely have the resources and capacity to feed all humans. We absolutely have the ability to ensure all people have access to clean water, running water and stable electricity. What we have not done is allocate our global resources in an equitable way. It begins with the perception of who is deserving. Do all humans believe all other humans are deserving of food, water and basic energy? Clearly, despite those who might be quick to say yes, it is not yet an idea that has taken root. 

This stems, in large part, from misconceptions about how these things are achieved. Blame is rampant. Self-righteousness is abundant. Ignorance is vast. Where do the privileges you enjoy come from? And how is that you have gained access while others are barred? Do we each know the answers, the full and deep, complex answers to these questions? Are we even asking these questions? Or do most of us accept our privilege, our food, our water, our comfort in constant electricity as a given right, which has been 'earned' and acquired through individual effort? 

Myth #1: There is no individual. Whatever you think you are creating, achieving, acquiring or developing on your own is a myth. Human beings do not and cannot live in isolation. Everything we gain is the result of an interaction with others or our environment. For every take we assume, someone or something else has given. 

Myth #2: There is no ownership. Whatever you think you have bought, or created, or developed, it is not yours alone. Everything that exists is in connection, influence, or inspiration with someone or something else. You cannot acquire material goods without the help of thousands of others. You cannot own natural items, which live, grow, die and replenish according to their own natural rhythms. Humans are not in control of this. We may influence it, but we are not in charge. Perhaps that is one of the biggest - most fearful- truths to accept. Many humans thrive on a warped sense of control. Imagining we have more control than we actually do is partly a safety measure. It allows for a sense of security and allays fears of an unknown future. 

Myth #3: No one deserves more or less than someone else. All people are born with the same basic needs. As humans, we grow and our needs develop. From sustenance to socioemotional support, humans have common requirements. No one deserves greater access than someone else. 

Myth #4: Our ability to access the requirements of our daily needs does not affect our value as people. We are not more or less important based on the resources available to us. Poverty does not reduce our personhood and wealth does not increase our value as a human. 

These are the African conversations we're engaged in. What are you talking about?

12.7.21

Keep driving

 It was, perhaps, ambitious to think I would be sharing my trip to Muanda in three parts. What I'd really like to do, if this were paper, is draw three bold lines and separate the whole blog into two parts. Or maybe it's not really two parts- I just want to continue telling short stories. I lost my footing for a minute and was trying to find my direction again. But for the moment, while the doctorate research continues and time is ever scarce, probably just telling a few short stories now and then is all I can manage.

The story I want to tell today is about a ride home. Kinshasa always offers up the best transportation stories. I love public transport here- not the wait or the struggle to find it, but the solidarity that comes from being together in a bus. Because the roads are so filled with adventure, a bus ride normally results in some kind of shared experience. 

On this particular evening, I was returning home from the new center in Bandal- surely there will be some stories to come from there. It is already a magical place, evoking memories of early Guinea experiences, a creative, timeless place. The kind of place where life passes sweetly, slowly, but full of energy. The kind of place I do not want to leave. But as darkness falls and the curfew- still in place here in Kinshasa- draws ever nearer- the commute begins. I found easy transport all the way to Kintambo. We were together in a mini-bus traveling through the rush-hour traffic. A group of boisterious young boys in the back  added ambiance. As we pulled over on the main road to allow a passenger to board, a taxi collided with us. The driver had seen the taxi coming and they'd even exchanged some words but, obviously, that was not enough to get the message across. Somehow, we collided anyway. Or rather, plainly put, the taxi drove into us. 

The passengers all erupted into laughter and commentary on the capabilities of the taxi driver. Everyone agreed he was at fault. Our chauffeur didn't seem too upset. He exchanged a few more words with the taxi driver before we drove off. It was really the calmest and quickest exchange after an accident that I have ever seen. No one even got out of their vehicle. 

However, as the next passenger got on, and the recevoir attempted to close the sliding door, the real problem became apparent. The door fell off. He tried everything to return it to it's position- and with some help from the chauffeur they were able to, but every time we stopped to let someone on or off, it fell off the track again, out onto the curb. A huge hunk of rusting yellow metal. Each time, the back of the bus erupted in laughter and commentary. I couldn't help but think about how this situation could have been viewed from a completely different lens- normally from one of frustration, anger, stress. It's not that it wasn't a problem. It's not that it wasn't going to cost money to repair- money the driver likley doesn't have. It was more about not wasting energy on this problem which, having already happened, has only one solution. Keep driving.

Well, the recevoir did try a few solutions- reattaching it at every stop. He was hanging off the edge of the open doorway with his arm looped through when we picked up speed and the door fell off. Lucky for his strength that he didn't drop the door, drop himself or lose the one of the parts altogther (arm or door.) The crowd erupted again at that- some had already cautioned him to be more careful. It is during adventures like these that I wish my Lingala was fluent, fluid, so I could hear the nuances in the details. The amtosphere was clear, the jokes about air conditioning were in full force, but I look forward to the day when I just know what everyone is saying without having to try so hard to understand. 

After the final near catastrophe, they decided to just hoist the door onto the roof. They did not secure the door in anyway which left me super distracted about stability. Surely the recevoir could not hold the door on the roof. If that piece of metal fell off or went flying off it was bound to connect with a motorcycle or a pedestrian. I kept imagining myself drivig along in a car and having a chunk of metal slam into the windshield. There is no anticipating how someone else's decision might affect you. We are truly all connected. 

In the end, the door stayed snugly on the rooftop. I do not know my physics well enough to guess why or determine how weight affects slippage. All I know is Newton's law about objects in motion and applying that to my mental image resulted in a terrifying- and completely avoidable- disaster. I tend err on the side of common knowledge and give more credit than is warranted about their decision making processes. It's the trap of African mysticism- assigning some greater meaning to what was clearly a poor- and dangerous- decision.  The lesson I choose to draw is that we must keep driving. When times are hard and situations present little options, we must keep driving forward- and not just to persevere- but to persevere with laughter and good humor and positivity. 

5.2.21

Muanda: Part 1/3: Preparation

Muanda. Moanda. What to make of a place that cannot decide how to spell it's own name? In researching this small coastal town, I found it spelled both ways, either way but no "official" way. I decided I would spell it like the locals...only to find they apparently hadn't decided either. 

There are so many small stories born from this short excursion- of course the road trip always makes for its own story. The way there and the way back are two completely different tales. Our four days at the Catholic Charity were pretty comfortable and conveniently situated. But nothing in Congo is simple or straightforward. Nothing is boring or empty. Every aspect of life is intricately woven into the layers above and below, seen and unseen. Every fiber of time is connected to the present moment, to future moments yet to be revealed and past moments we may never understand. The trip to Muanda was no different. 

Departure 

In the beginning, there was the couvre-feu. Congo has been under curfew since early December. Everyone must be in by 9 pm. It sounds like a simple idea, until you consider Kinshasa is a city with over 14 million people and a transportation system that does not meet even half the need. There are simply not enough resources to get everyone home in time. Our bus to Moanda had a 6 am departure. Or rather, we were instructed to be at the station by 6 for baggage loading and ticket collecting. With no guarantee we would find transportation to the bus station at that early hour, we decided to stay overnight in Limete, just down the street from the station. 

A brand new hotel, Ixoras, had just opened- super fancy and ultimate in luxe. It was clean and fresh with all working parts- a bit of a rarity in Kin. The staff was overly attentive. People appeared from around corners like magic, ready to solve any problem. When my electronic key card wouldn't open the door to my room, I barely had time to turn around before a man materialized next to me. "Problem, miss?" It bordered on creepy. But it did solve the problem. In seconds. I was slightly confused, suspicious even, about the way he just appeared, knew my problem, and offered a working card- the skeleton key of cards I imagine, which felt odd, although I suppose all hotels have master keys. The same man came around later, to announce the time and ask if I need to get anything from outside before the curfew. He took the opportunity to point out the inner bolt on the door- which he said I should lock for security.

I stepped inside and look around. Everything inside the room was electronic. Once entering, the card is placed in a small holder by the door and this activates the power- the lights turn on, the tv, fans and air conditioner are activated. The arrangement seems a bit risky in this land lacking stable electricity. We'd chosen the cheapest room- which still seems pricey for Africa. However, the normal complaints were avoided- the a/c worked, the bed was firm and sheets were clean. The water was running, the internet was fine and there was even a fire extinguisher under the sink. I suspected  the level of luxe might even beat out the former Grand Hotel of Kinshasa- now the Pullman- although I have never actually seen a room there, so I'm only guessing, based on the mere fact that Ixoras is new. I wonder what it will look like a year from now. 

Clean, crisp, cozy

Construction workers just outside 
the window, but friendly. Added
bonus: water from the tap.

Kinshasa has a surprising number of hotels and I am perplexed by the market. Who are the clients in need of such fancy places? Ixoras is a large building on the corner of the 7eme rue in Limete, just across from the communal patch of land that seems to house the spirit of the community. We stopped there after purchasing some snacks and finger food for the road from a little supermarche nearby.

Nearly every place in Kinshasa holds a memory and this patch of land is no different. I'd spent time here watching karate and capoeira classes offered outside on the cement. I held my breath as kids did spinning kicks and hand stands on concrete. It was vibrant and busy six years ago. Now the space was largely taken up with tables and outdoor eateries offering small items such as brochettes or ntaba and soda. The smoke from the metal barbecues hung in the damp air. We chose a table under an umbrella, barely dry, and had a snack of peanuts while the kids drank soda and watched the night descend. 

We slept in a big comfortable bed, the night sounds muted because of the curfew. 

The next morning we woke early and prepared to walk down to the bus station. Although someone had come around in the evening to let us know they were closing up because of the curfew, we hadn't really understood what that meant. In the morning it became clear. We couldn't get out. The metal gates were closed and locked. No one seemed to have the key. I spent some time discussing this with the person at the front gate. Not only was it necessary to have informed the guests the night before- especially for those who might have an early morning appointment- but it was just plain dangerous to have us all locked inside with no quick way out. Eventually, and this was a good 10-15 minutes later, someone emerged with the security guard and a key. Alarming to imagine....surely we would not have slept so well if we had known. 

We made it to the station with plenty of time to stand around and watch the people queuing, the sellers arriving. I took notes on my phone of what was being offered- items deemed important enough to warrant getting up and arriving at the bus station by 6 am. Some things made sense: bread, there's always bread. Water. We'd already stocked up the night before but one of the women walked by shaking her head at us as if to say, you don't want water? Everyone wants water. There was the phone credit guy, yelling Mega, Mega- which is what you buy for internet connection. It would be a long ride, surely you want to have your internet topped off. Someone was selling masks, someone is always selling masks.


Dependable, professional service

Other items were more questionable. One young boy walked by selling large plastic bags. It seems you would have already packed the items you need, but you never know if someone might develop a last minute desire to stuff more things inside a bag, tape it up and add it to the pile of luggage. He didn't have any luck today, but perhaps on other mornings he'd been more successful. There was a man selling bibles and I tried not to see it as a sign. My last trip down this patch of winding mountain road had been absolutely terrifying. I was hoping that the commercial bus and early hour would lend an aspect of professionalism and safety. They definitely came through on timing. They'd collected tickets and started calling names right on time. Mbalia and I were one of the first few names called so we had our choice of seats. It looked fairly comfortable, mostly clean, and we were ready to start the adventure. 


Someone lent us a cube which turned
out to be excellent entertainment
for the week


                                                               We chose the best seats

23.1.21

driving blind

Upon reflection, motorcycles serve as an excellent metaphor for the situation in Kinshasa, in particular, the motorcycle I took this evening. 

In general, it's best to avoid motorcycles in Kin- which is completely opposite of how I feel about motorcycles in Muanda- a post coming on this visit- and a place that has me feeling like I want to learn to ride, much like Kankan, where all the Guinean women drive. 

Tonight I found myself outside with an impending storm. I'd met a friend to talk about grand visions and big actions. Rain plus the curfew did not seem like a winning combination. As I walked toward the exit, I noticed a crowd of young boys gathering around a small red truck that passed. Gathering is a passive word. They were crowding, pushing, overtaking, and yelling. It was somewhat of an alarming scene to be heading into. Chaos, essentially. Fueled by a lot of emotion and desperation. 

What are the questions that run through your mind when confronting such a situation? Well, my first, futile, thought was the two different friends I'd left behind. One had been about to walk with me in search of transport, the other had offered me a ride home directly if I was willing to wait a bit. And this is why. The exit area of this particular venue has always been bad but it seems like the youth outside have grown up, grown stronger and increased in number. I also had time to ask myself if I was really going to walk into that and scope out my route. But just then a moto went by, and I'd been considering a moto as the quickest way to get home and avoid the rain. But not necessarily a smart move. Motos are fast, no helmets, no adherence to traffic rules. 

On the other hand, at this moment, a moto was looking like my savior. With a quick signal he pulled into the parking area, allowing me to remain a relatively safe distance while discussing the price- a haphazard affair in my current situation- facing rain, a gang of street boys and no other real options. As we pulled out, one of the boys approached..."Mama..."

I had only moments to reflect on this- the price in francs seems so unreasonable until I convert it to dollars. It was $2 to escape a potentially dangerous situation and find a fast ride home. Worthwhile. Or was it?

It began to sprinkle huge fat drops. The mass of traffic expanded three lanes and many taxi bus and motos chose the 'alternate route.' Despite putting up a concrete divide down the middle of the road, which aimed at preventing the infamous 5 and 6 lanes of traffic, many still opted to take their chances on the opposite side of the road- all the more dangerous now because once you've crossed over, there's no turning back until the next break in the divider. The moto driver took the chance. He'd become concerned about his phone getting wet and seemed to be rushing, but then, they're always rushing. The drivers of public transport in Kinshasa seem to be the only ones ever in a hurry. As much as I wasn't pleased with speeding down the wrong side of the road on a dark Kinshasa night, I found it preferable to being stuck in traffic. 

Until he removed his glasses. Although the rain wasn't really what I would consider rain, it was enough to cloud his glasses. I kept saying my "oh-la-la's" in his ear, which is probably not helpful at all. It is one of the problems I encounter on the bike. I have chosen to be there, but then I stress the whole way, making comments on every close- or even not-so-close call. 

I was busy thinking about how bad my own eyesight is and how close to death I probably was- riding upstream with a blind driver. And he was going fast. Too fast. I experienced a sense of that vertigo that comes from looking over the edge of a tall building. The impulsive imagination of falling. 

All of that is Kinshasa life. Recognizing the corruption, mostly vowing not to take part but then circumstance pressuring one to become complicit, and feeling slightly off kilter the entire way- while praying you arrive in one piece without getting too wet. Which I did. This time. But doesn't each time minimize our chances for escaping unscathed the next time? Topic of several conversations this week which have kept me intrigued and hopeful for the immediate future. 

22.1.21

America's game of catch up

America is trailing behind. We know it; we've known it. But I wonder if Americans really understand just how far behind they are. Here is the US gov. message sent out to all embassies. It's coming out as new and urgent information.

But here's the thing: requiring a negative covid test has been essential for travelers arriving in Africa since last September, a full 5 months ago. You cannot leave or enter an airport without a negative test result. It was a mandated part of opening airports again. 

At the end of the US notice, there are a few lines about those who live in countries where adequate testing is not available....which is the most ironic part of the whole message because it sounds like inadequate testing has been a problem of the US since the beginning. Across Africa, testing has been available on an on-demand basis, not just for those with symptoms or by prescription from a doctor. In some places, testing is free. Results are generally available within hours or 1-2 days at most, unlike the US which has struggled to get results out between 3-5 days. 

I understand there is a new government in place- congratulations to Americans on the ground. I hope it brings new policies, new attitudes and a new awareness of how America can learn from other countries and not just dictate condescending policies or rearrange foreign governments to suit their needs. (There was an informative and comprehensive list on twitter...which I cannot find again. Perhaps you saw it?)

I realize that is a lot to ask of a new administration. It is likely that, for the most part, day to day life will not change much. But hopefully a new message emanating from the Oval Office will inspire personal change, which is really where it all needs to begin anyway. 

___________________________________________________________________________________


Health Alert - Department of State – Bureau of Consular Affairs (January 15, 2021)     

     

Location: Worldwide – The U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC)Director has signed an order requiring all airline passengers traveling to the United States, including U.S. citizens and Lawful Permanent Residents (LPRs), to provide proof of a negative COVID-19 viral test or recovery from COVID-19.      

    

Event:  Effective January 26, all airline passengers to the United States ages two years and older must provide either a negative COVID-19 viral test taken within three calendar days of travel or provide a positive test result and documentation from a licensed health care provider or public health official of having recovered from COVID-19 in the 90 days preceding travel.  Passengers must also attest, under penalty of law, to having received a negative qualifying test result or to recovery from COVID-19 and medical clearance to travel.     

    

See the CDC Proof of Negative Test Result page to view the order, complete the attestation, and to see FAQ’s.     

    

Airlines must deny boarding to passengers who do not meet these requirements.     

    

U.S. citizens in countries where adequate COVID-19 testing is not available or may not be able to satisfy the requirements, should depart immediately or prepare to be unable to return to the United States until such time as they can meet the requirements.      

20.1.21

On community

Community, belonging, loss and resilience- Kinshasa- the community I feel most at home in- has all of those things. Living here, I move among different worlds through multiple layers and each one contributes something to my sense of belonging. Sometimes it is a confirmation of who I have become, sometimes it is a confirmation of the parts of me I have left behind, the me I am not. any longer. Most often, it is confirmation of the me I have crafted and nurtured and allowed to bloom. Communities do that- they tell us who we are, who we are not, and who we want to become. They mirror our faults, embrace our flaws and welcome us in as we are. They give us a chance to grow. 

 Kinshasa is a physical place. I know her curves and turns, her backroads and short cuts, her dark narrow paths and her wide -open boulevards. Kinshasa streets are overflowing with movement and people, with vibrant energy that is nearly visible. I sway with the rhythms of mechanical noise: horns- whistles- the rev of engines and the banging on metal rooftops signaling to drivers that the taxi bus has filled up and needs to move out. I am seduced by the sounds of neighborhood destinations sung into the crowds : Victoire, Victoire, Boulevard, GDC-Sola, Sola, Zando. I move my feet to the click clack of the shoe shine boys announcing their presence and the cling clang of scissors on machines as ambulant tailors search for a hem to sew or a rip to repair right there on the spot in a city street where a young man will kneel down and paint my toenails with the care of a mother I never had here in Kinshasa everyone calls me auntie, mama, eeh mama! Kinshasa where everyone is related especially if you have a dollar or a franc to spare, to share, because in this community what’s yours is mine and mine is yours and yet, we’re all connected but somehow,  not.  Because in this city, belonging means being part of the crumpled masses, struggling to survive to stand up to be seen, belonging is tucked in the crevices of loss and grief and frustration. 

In Kinshasa, belonging means sharing but the kind of sharing that moves beyond freely giving and into barely holding on while others take, pulling, pushing, shoving, fighting to have what I have what you need what we both want or don’t want or can’t find but we know it’s here because the masses are closing in on us crushing down to take that small thing we are trying to protect. We’re so distracted by this small thing we forget the big things, the real things, the children in the streets who are watching, repeating, pushing, shoving, defiantly standing in front of cars who have no space to go around because living in the city means one next to one next to one next to one… sharing the spills, the smells, the suffocating embrace of a neighbor whose come to give story to their troubles and offer a piece of the little bit of nothing in their pocket. 

 Kinshasa is lux, extreme VIP, diamonds, gold and minerals shining in the night sky like a star twinkling just out of reach so you grab whatever is close and you wring its neck before it has a chance to turn on you and admit that without that sparkling, shiny bit of bird’s nest treasure you’re really just one of the masses nothing special education on a fancy paper printed out at the cyber café on the corner whose walls are crumbling cement cracks running across the ceiling if you look up there is always someone waiting there to take your place and so you hold on and pay out dollars you don’t really have to dress better and drive faster than the masses you are stealing from.

Kinshasa is self- hate and group love, trying to find pride in a people who are not sure where they’ve come from but have a definite vision of where they want to go. Kinshasa is speaking a language that’s not your own and living another voice inside where you keep it dark and hidden because you don’t want to pass it on to your children but those children in the street are making their own language when they got cast aside and thrown away because the people of God proclaim there is no God but spirits working their evil in the youth and the family is a sacred construct but only if you have a dollar or some francs to share to build their business of preaching the word whose roots lie in the destruction of culture and the erasure of  an  entire  community 
 
    of people whose bond is deeper than language, deeper than the terrain they share, the forests, lakes, the little slice of ocean, it’s a people whose loss and trauma cuts deeper than the wounds of generations upon generations bleeding into the soil that’s been ripped open and gouged out to prop up the kingdoms and institutions of art and culture and knowledge on foreign ground where people lock themselves in offices and houses and separate little fiefdoms, hoarding their material wealth as if it had meaning, looking down on the survivors of those they’ve slaughtered with contempt and disgust in order to mask the responsibility they share for the murder and destruction of the original spirit of community 

Kinshasa is resilience, never willing to give up or let go but showing up every day, women raising their voices, youth who will not accept a future that has no place for them and together they rise above a past that’s born them into poverty, despair and loss turning these struggles into strengths, giving their time, their energy and their voice to call out and re-claim the riches of this land as rightfully their community,