My theater group has finally taken off and so twice a week I find myself with one of those leisurely French lunches while I wait for the students to return to school. Today I had the chance to run into one of my English teacher colleagues, a gentle woman from India and she passed some time with my binome and me.
Our conversation focused on school things with a sprinkle of personal stuff thrown in. It was an unusual chance to hear a bit about her life. I knew that she had come to Abidjan just two years ago shortly after getting married. She gave us the details of her wedding with a shy but oh-so-happy grin.
Her parents arranged the marriage. It was something she wanted. I could hear the trust and love in her voice as she said this. It was easy to imagine a world where parents know best and make the big decisions for their children to create a life assured of happiness and success. She agreed that hers wasn't the usual route in these modern times, but she preferred the traditional.
Her parents met the family of the prospective groom and found them to be full of all the qualities they look for in a good family. The decision to go ahead was made in 15 days. (What a delightful grin and lighthearted laugh she gave even as she was shaking her head and shrugging her shoulders. "I know, I know," she said. "But for me, that's the way it was.")
Her and her husband first saw each other in person on their wedding day. They'd talked a bit on the phone beforehand but hadn't actually met. He was living in Abidjan and she in India.
"Did your parents make a good choice?" we ask. "Were you pleased?"
"Oh, it was a good choice. I'll show you." She produces a beautiful photo of her wedding - picture perfect.
"Oui, he is handsome," my binome begins, "but is he good inside?"
Again the laugh. "Yes, yes. He is very kind. We are very good together. It is about to be 2 years."
We tell her again how lucky she is, that things worked out so well for her. We're still marveling at the fact that she chose this method of marriage and conversation begins to drift towards the disintegration of marriage in Europe and the US.
Arranged marriage is one of those topics, full of pros and cons and possibilities for gross error, misguided intentions and dire consequences. But in the moments of talking with her, it was pleasant to ignore all the unhappy endings out there and share in her pure joy of family life.
