A soft lovey

It's been a year since we welcomed our little lovey into the world. I set out one Saturday in search of the perfect birthday gift- her own soft cuddly lovey. It was the girl in the tower who inspired this idea. During the last week and a half she took to bringing "Doodoo," her well worn and ragged teddy bear to our tutoring sessions. Doodoo sat at the table with us, or more often, snuggled in her arms. He was missing his nose and she frequently stuck her finger there in a gesture of comfort. She sniffed his empty nose space too, as though breathing in courage and wisdom. I asked her what it smelled like one afternoon when my observations of her began to feel more like those of a child psychologist conducting research.

She didn't have the words to tell me he smelled like childhood or warm blankets and cozy bedtime stories. She didn't say he smelled like her mom or her dad or the sea salty air of Miami. "Cardboard," is all she answered as she took another soul filling sniff.

I began to wonder if my little princess needed a lovey. Actually, I'd been wondering about this for awhile as I  searched for ways to 'get your child to sleep through the night.' (Nope, we're still not there.) Despite having 5 children, I continue to second guess everything.Of course, there is a constant influx of 'research' telling us parents that everything we thought we knew is wrong. Then there is the plethora of 'evidence' that French parenting is better, or maybe it's just the food. These articles don't even mention the wealth of literature about Chinese toilet training or other methods that result in a diaper free child by a year and a half (or even sooner!) To make it all even more complex, as we Americans are wondering if we should imitate others, they are second guessing themselves too. Turns out, no one knows what's best.

My recent dilemma involved whether or not we should stop co sleeping and how to get her to transition to her own bed. One article suggested using a soft object to transfer with- after giving it 'my smell.' I have mixed emotions about everything and only half a heart to try this approach. Part of me is completely against trying to make her dependent on a material item, part of me understands I cannot actually induce this state even if I want to - only she will decide if she needs/wants it or not- and part of me thinks it is a great idea. It's been a rough year. Maybe I could benefit from a soft cuddly myself.

In the end, I have given up transitioning her to her own bed but still want the lovey- an irrational mom urge to make sure my daughter has something fluffy hanging around the house to remind us all how cute and cuddly she is, even when I am face to face with plenty of children who are just fine without cute cuddlies. Despite all we do, or don't do, as parents it seems like most of us turn out just fine (or rather, we learn to deal with whatever psychosis we develop as a result of what our parents did or did not do. Unless we turn out to be homocidal killers. But I don't think having a teddy bear is going to make or break that life path.)

It sounds simple, heading out to get a stuffed animal of some sort. But of course, I have all these pre conceived ideas about what it should be like and limited choices to find it. I've managed to lose expectations in most other areas of my life, but just when I think I've got my zen on, I get overwhlemed with bias about something as trivial as a child's toy. Added to this is the fact that plush baby toys don't really seem to be a thing in the department stores I went to. (I am sure I could find an abundance of choices in the market but I simply did not have the energy- and hold a sneaking suspicion that those are not new or necessarily plush in just that way that I was obsessing about looking for.)

Like Golidlocks, the first store held only toys that were too hard or too small or odd throwbacks from Christmas. I then enlisted Nabih to take a little journey across town and we compared choices in two more stores. Store number 2 had a super cute giraffe with a not-so-cute price tag. Store number 3 had some teddy bears....Nabih liked them, but they didn't especially call out to me. Tucked in just below the bears sat one last white elephant. He was just soft enough and had a trunk perfect for latching on to. Mbalia grabbed him right away and held on tight for the rest of our shopping adventure.

As we put other packages into the cart, Nabih and I continued to discuss the choice. He really wanted the bear. I pointed out that Mbalia really wanted the elephant. Nabih pointed out there were a few flaws with the elephant. Some stitching was coming undone and his eyes were glued on wrong.We spent some useless time double checking the shelves for a second version but there was only row after row of brown teddy bears and no white elephants.

Mbalia's special needs lovey

At the check out line, Nabih kept putting the elephant on the counter and Mbalia kept snatching it off again. That seemed to confirm we'd made a good choice. Eventually I managed to get it run by the scanner and hid in my shopping bag so we could wrap it and surprise her with it the next day.

She has never been one of those babies who responds to a pacifier or other comfort routine, well, except nursing, which is why she is still not sleeping all night. I am not convinced that she will take to this new friend the way I was imagining. But I can feel secure in mom duties knowing that she has at least one plush toy, to love or to shun as she desires.

So far, it's love