I've had a few experiences lately that leave me wondering if it happens to everyone. Sometimes I will be tripping along in my own world of weirdness and suddenly it occurs to me that maybe these things happen to everyone. Or perhaps the contraire is more likely. I am tripping along in my own world, assuming these things happen to everyone only to find out they don't. So I'm wondering, what's your story?
Does the woman in the office at school, the warm hearted Anne-marie, does she make everyone feel like her long lost daughter? I can count the number of times we've met, and maybe even the emails we've exchanged, but today she told me she'd seen an outfit that made her think of me. I said great, I've been looking for a new style and she offered to 'get me fixed up' next week. We ended our conversation with a high five and I left feeling like I was saying goodbye to my mom or my aunt. Does she make everyone feel so good?
And yesterday I hopped in a taxi only to have an immediate offer of marriage. "I'm taking you home with me," the driver said. Albeit, this was more creepy than flattering and at first I thought I'd misheard him. I thought he'd asked me if we were going home, meaning he'd been the one to pick me up earlier in the morning. It got a little tricky for a moment as I realized I was the only woman in a car with 3 men and I had to do a quick mental recheck to make sure I'd jumped into a yellow taxi, clearly marked. I had. Eventually the guys got out and some women got in and we convinced the driver to go a little further than he intended so we could all get out closer to home. He looked at me at one point and apologized. "I was just kidding you know," he said. But that could have gone way wrong for a minute there. Does this happen to you too?
Lately memories from long ago have been popping up at random moments, or even worse, in my dreams. They aren't pleasant moments but ones that highlight bad decisions or missed opportunities or painful experiences I'd thought I'd buried deep and long gotten over. Not so apparently. The past rearing its ugly head to remind me I haven't quite gotten it all together yet. You get those blasts from the pasts haunting you?
Sometimes it comes in the way of a person. Communication from afar. A text, an email, a quick message full of words I can't quite put into context. I am not sure how to respond and can't even tell if it is a positive or negative thing. It just is. Any mystery messages from beyond falling on your doorstep lately?
The thing I really want to know about is the staring. It's pretty obscene here in Abidjan. Everywhere we go people stare. Hard. I have noticed they do it to Christian, to the boys and to me. All the time. Even in my neighborhood where you would think they are over it by now. Whatever it is that's making them stare so hard. But nope. If there is one thing I can be assured of it is that every trip out will be filled with people staring, sometimes commenting, but always looking. I've stopped checking to see if I have something on my face or if my hair is sticking up. Sometimes I notice a woman- a tew days ago for example- I saw a woman wearing what looked like her nightie, a black lace slip, outside. Maybe she was running to the store quick, I don't know. But no one seemed to notice she was in her private clothes. I imagined for a minute what would happen if I ran down the street in my lace nightie (well, if I had a lace nightie. I thought about getting one just to try it out.) There is just no way I could get away with that. And I wonder why? What's the story? Have you ever worn your pajamas outside? And how did it work out for you?
