I've been slowly letting more people know that we're leaving for Africa. It's a strange process of coming out. The reactions have varied...and it might be important to keep in mind that my social circle is the diameter of a pea. Most of those I've recently told have many more than 6 degrees of separation.
Panic- 2 people seem to be in a state of panic, voicing such concerns as "You mean I'm never going to see you again?" (This does not seem to bother the speaker when I am right here in the same county. It is ironically only a trip across the ocean that inspires him to want to spend some time with me. If only I'd known this in my teenage years...) And another who continually questions, "But are you sure it's safe?" Of course I'm not sure. How could anyone be sure about anything that has to do with Africa? I'm sure that it's as safe as one could be, venturing into the heart of conflict and contrast, bribery and beauty. This speaker wishes I would just stay here, a strange affliction of wishing for someone whom you've given just a passing nod of greeting to over the past four years. I must note it seems to be a sincere wish for safety and surety and all things concrete. Perhaps she is more observant that I have allowed.
Devastation- 2 people fall into this category as well. One woman clearly looked as if she might be ill, the other started to cry. Cry? No one knows me that well. I'm not sure from where her tears stemmed, defeat by the greater powers, perhaps. Yes, the strong and mighty often prevail. The first case of shock was simply someone looking out for her child's interest. She was hoping to secure a good class next year, packed with boys and buddies (there seems to be a shortage of males born in the 2001-02 range.) Nothing personal, just a small example of how one life can touch another while the actual people really mean nothing at all.
Judgement- I'm most familiar with this type of reaction lately, as I've grappled with the subject on a very personal level. It still has the power to unsettle me. I am routinely shocked by how free others feel to impose their ideas and values as the one true way to live. It is small mindedness and ignorance at it's most dangerous. I've had someone offer to have my child live with her (no one mentioned homelessness or calamity, where is this coming from?!?! White righteousness?) I've had very personal questions posed without any thought that they might be off-limits or crossing some line (maybe I'm just not used to attention and this is how all Americans speak to each other?) To be fair, my answers vary, for no reason I can think of other than the moment I'm in. People want to know why half of the family is staying, how they will manage without me (far better than with is my current thinking,) what would possess me to do such a thing?
Nothing- considerably rarer but worth mentioning- in at least one case there was absolutely no comment. Perhaps she was the most conservative, respecting social boundaries, perhaps it was just not a good time to get into specifics. Or maybe people jet off to Congo everyday in her world. I guess one can never really be too sure of her neighbors. Clearly.
Curious congratulations- this, to me, would seem to be the most natural of responses, if there is such a thing. The best one came from my ophthalmologist. He's known me since I was 11, as much as a doctor can really know you, and I enjoy going there much as one might the spa. (I leave there having been well attended to and with, literally, a new outlook on the world.) He offered congrats and some fatherly precautions as well as the insight that this would be an incredible opportunity. He seemed to see each aspect, comment briefly and respectably kept his distance from probing questions.
All the while, other secrets have been tumbling out.
