Many things happen from a distance....people blow kisses goodbye, keep up friendships through email and interview for jobs via Skype Video calling allows far away grandparents to "meet" their newest grandbaby, lets military moms and dads tell goodnight stories to their little ones and permits couples on opposite coasts (or sometimes even separated by oceans) to maintain their relationships- or even the most extreme: experiencing childbirth together.
Marriage is something I hadn't really considered as a long distance endeavor however. Not the "staying- together-though-distance-separates-us" kind of long distance marriage. I mean the kind where a marriage ceremony takes place but you aren't actually present. Yeah. This was news to me.
Apparently it is a common occurrence (or at least more common than I had previously thought, which was not at all.) Efforts to look more into this have lead mostly to military accounts or, in plain language, marriage by proxy. Neither link mentions African countries but I have been assured by Souleymane that this process is known to occur often in Senegal. There are a variety of reasons one might conduct a marriage by proxy and I suppose our reason is as good as any. We're both far from home.
I wanted all the details about how this magical day would take place with neither bride nor groom in attendance. Souleymane's uncle will be standing in for me and his father will be standing in for him. After arrival at the mosque there will naturally be some pleasantries. The family will exchange good greetings and news. There will be praying and more talking. Souleymane's uncle, Tonton Sao, will receive many words of advice about what it means to be a woman entering into marriage. He is expected to share this advice with me and remind me of passages from the Qu'ran that will guide me in my new role as wife. In a similar fashion, Souleymane's father will receive words of advice about what it means to be a good husband. His job is to make sure Souleymane is aware of the responsibilities of his new role. Afterward, there will be more praying and the formalizing of the contract. The family will move on to a small celebration. And just when I thought the whole thing couldn't get any more delightfully foreign, Souleymane mentioned that he hoped they would take photos. Photos? I wondered. Of what?
But of course it will be wonderful to have photos of his family and the mosque to represent the prayers and ceremony held on our behalf. What we will be doing that day? Much of the same. We will spend quiet family time together, praying, celebrating, being thankful for our union. And if we have friends around the globe, know that all are invited to raise a toast and celebrate with us.
We do plan a civil ceremony here in Kinshasa, a small party with friends in Congo and a larger affair once we can travel to Senegal this summer. But for now, we will enjoy the powerful thoughts and prayers of friends and family being sent out with intention and positivity which I imagine will meet in the cosmos and, once united, will rain back down on us in Kinshasa. We'll all be looking at the same stars and gazing at the same moon. This seems rather perfect too.
