The second is due to a college professor I had during my undergrad studies. He uttered some (deadly?) words of wisdom about my progress on my final art presentation that was a required part of graduation. I had worked and reworked and thrown out so many beginnings and parts of paintings......until the big date was just a week away. In the end I was able to produce 5 quality paintings as part of a series, with a bona vide theme and an artist's statement that made me sound like I'd been working on it for the whole semester. And I had, of course, mentally. My professor was so impressed with my work he gave me an A+ - as much for the finished product as for the pain and confusion he knew all too well I had muddled through to come out on top. "Procrastination is a form of perfection," he'd said. "I've been there too. It is a process of delaying and thinking and working out how to get it just right. Until the last moment when it all just comes together." He'd given credit to my wayward approach and validated a habit that may or may not be to my benefit. It's become a way of working and as long as it's successful.....why fight my natural rhythms?
So, despite promising to use spring break and a variety of long weekends throughout the year to get a head start on my packing, I am here with days to go and a house full. The second grand delusion I am currently working through is, "We don't have that much stuff." It's easy to look at a clean, neat house and think there isn't much hidden behind the doors, in the cupboards and the drawers. It's easy to think you have mastered the material demon and conquered attachment to earthly items. Until you have to think about leaving them behind forever. Added to this is the fact that we are not making a "stock up" trip to the US. In fact, a trip to the US seems like a far off uncertainty. What may have once been considered easy-to-replace has now become we-might-really-need-that. Never mind the that-might-come-in-handy urge. That temptation needs to be silenced. No air play at all. That voice must be replaced with a series of no nonsense questions: Are you really gonna miss that? When is that last time you used that? How much does it weigh? And finally, compared to (insert much more useful, treasured item here) which do you really need?
Still, tough decisions have to be made. We are limited by the number of containers and suitcases we actually have on hand and by the cost of extra baggage. Books are heavy. Drums are heavier. Paintings are oddly shaped. We can't take everything. With each day closer to our deadline, my resolve lightens. I become more and more un-attached. As I sit in the midst of my mess, I keep seeing Christian with his two bags. It's a good reality check. He left his entire life behind, all his dance contacts, his music connections, his apartment and everything inside it. He packed up all his clothes, a few mementos and some necessary papers into 2 bags and set off for a brand new country. I have 12 containers at my disposal. Surely I can do this.
I am reminded that we are three people- though honestly, it's not the boys who have so much stuff. When I stop to consider, I realize I am not quite sure what is even in all these boxes. Little items to make our new home cozy. A bunch of clothes I can't actually wear right now. Blankets and towels. But really, what does packing up our entire life look like?
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| It's taken me months to accept that my paintings will have to be removed from their frames. Aicha came over to help and lend moral support. I'm fearful they'll never get restretched and remain in a roll in the back of a closet somewhere. |
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| A few paintings are on unconventional materials and can't be removed from their frames. These get the ultimate in packing treatment- wrapped in Vlisco fabric, gracious gift from a parent |
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| Piles of books we hope to take |
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| Piles of books we won't be taking |
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| More piles....piles everywhere |
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| Except it really looks like this because I am packing in the dark 3 weeks and several work order requests to have the light repaired = a semi-romantic, candlelit packing experience |
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| Half empty closets and more little piles |
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| Bags of old shoes and clothes for my street kids- who have managed to disappear these past two days. Nowhere to be found. Were I cruising the boulevard with empty pockets, however, I know they would surround me by the dozens. |
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| This egg holder makes the to-go pile for a variety of reasons |
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| A sculpture- luckily lighter than it appears- in the stubborn must go pile (Ivory Coast flag added by me for moral support. It will make a box, board the plane and liven up our space in Abidjan.) |
