birthday blessings

My neighbor Assita stopped by to invite me to her birthday party. She was beaming with youth and joy that was contagious, if not slightly bewildering to me, I don't really "get" adult birthday parties. The mom in me associates birthday parties with screaming kids, smeared cake patches and crooked birthday hats. All I can see are bowls of soggy chips and plates full of half eaten hors d'oeurves. I have a long relationship with the joys and stresses of celebrating the children in my life...but not so much experience outside of that,

Having recently read an article in tiny buddha about the power of yes in making friends  (which is apparently a thing- from Yes Man, the book and the movie, to Shonda Rimes) I decided I needed to accept. I imagined stopping by a bit after the party had gotten into full swing, saying hello and trying out a few conversations and then heading to the gym for a much needed work-out. I guess this approach is called "making an appearance" and doesn't do much to actually instill friendship or create new connections, but I was hoping it would keep the neighborly ties pleasant.

I also planned to bring along Ousmane, always helpful to have at least one friend on hand when walking into the unknown. We arrived about an hour after the time we were told to come, which turned out to be perfect as everyone else was just arriving as well. We were shown to a few tables on the porch, a quiet porch where everyone was waiting. My dreams of a quick appearance began to slowly evaporate.

We waited, chatting quietly. Others arrived, though not many. In total, we were about 9. Our hostess came out to move us to another table and then Assita herself, looking transformed in a beautiful blue dress and flowing locks, insisted we join her at the table of honor.

As she made somewhat ceremonial introductions, Ousmane whispered to me that he had seen two of the women on TV. I nodded, not having seen them myself but realizing that we were among colleagues and friends of Assita, a screen writer and actress, so all things were possible-and probable.

The party began in a formal way, with glasses being served and soft drink selections presented. We were offered a choice of entree- rice or attieke- and served a healthy plate of food. Everyone commenced with the business of eating and Assita continued to beam. She has this inner light that is truly beautiful.

The party was far more intimate and calm than I had imagined. I didn't have a word to say to anyone, but it was a quiet party. The two divas were keeping us entertained with commentary and stories. They were out going enough for all of us.  Two young men sat across from me but I hadn't figured out their relation. They were serious and quiet-did I mention that as the theme of the party? - but pleasant.

The food was tasty, well presented, well eaten. We all remarked on the healthy dose of hot pepper at one point or another, but it was good. Our hostess, (I can only remember her as the mother of one of Mohamed's friends) is known for her delicious plates and she takes orders a week or more in advance.

The sun was setting and my gym fantasies were all but extinguished. I wondered what would happen after the food- being in completely foreign territory, all notions of what a party is having been set aside completely. There is really no way I could have been prepared for what happened next.

Apparently the two young men were ministers of a sort. I would have guessed the older gentleman to my left as the minister of the group, so I was somewhat surprised when they began praying. "Blessings for our sister," one of them began in a beautifully deep and rhythmic voice.

He went on to say that birthday celebrations were not about birthdays, really, but a chance to give thanks to God for life, for all that life had brought so far, and all it might continue to bring. He mentioned that many people didn't reach their (next) birthday and so each one signaled that you hadn't completed God's plan, there was still work to be done. He made a lot of good sense and I liked where he was going. He talked (preached) a bit more  and then came to a point when he asked everyone to say prayers for Assita. The whole table began talking aloud, not in unison but individual verbal expressions of giving thanks and asking for blessings for her as well as themselves and their families.

Ousmane and I were conspicuously quiet- or would have been but most everyone's eyes were closed as they were filled with the power of sending positive intentions to Jesus. It was quite emotional. Despite our differences in belief systems, I couldn't help but be awed by the concept. I haven't actually experienced a room full of people directing their energies at one person so concretely before. I began to imagine the different forms this could take. I was moved by their devotion and sincerity.

I was reminded again of the African praise singers, or griots, only rather than singing about past accomplishments, they are there to manifest a positive future.

Later Ousmane told me about a similar experience in the Muslim community. If you have bought a new house, opened a new business or other momentous life event, your friends and family will gather to pray for you. Someone will read from the Qu'ran "jusque les gents plure"- until people are moved to tears. It sounds so beautiful, this gathering around and praying, or wishing well for another with all that you are, or sending positive energy in megablasts- however you want to frame it.

We made our exit soon after. My whole perspective of adult birthday parties, and birthday celebrations in general now altered.

Assita beaming with joy 

Us- with the guest of honor

Ousmane and the 2 divas

Shopping and Prayer

I have discovered a favorite new fabric store. Well, perhaps favorite is a strong word, but it is definitely a useful new fabric store. I have two now and I always visit them together. Lambada is what I consider a conservative store. It is the tried and true, steadfast friend you can call in the middle of the night if you need something and be certain to be helped. This store has many styles of fabric in a variety of patterns. It is orderly and neat with samples piled up in folded squares layed out across table after table. Prices for 2, 4, or 6 yards are clearly marked on small chalkboard signs. They have one of my favorite sections where the cloth is bundled in pairs. Deux temps. There you can find a bright and vibrant pattern paired with a solid color or you may find the same pattern but with the colors reversed. When checking out, you will first give your cloth (ironically- or perhaps arabically) to the man at the table sitting closest to the exit. From there you will work your way (backwards) to the lady on his right. She will issue you three copies of each receipt for each piece of fabric you have selected. You move on to the cashiers who are (first) next in the row. They will cheerfully take your money, provide change and stamp all three copies of your receipts, keeping one. Finally you  move back to the (end) beginning and show your receipts in order to collect your fabric, which is bagged and handed off. Music plays, providing a pleasant atmosphere and there is rarely a (long) wait.

Bizou Bizou, however, is your wild cousin from out of state who shows up and whisks you off on a spontaneous beachside vacation. I met Bizou Bizou by way of an older but fabulously dressed woman in one of the food stores. I had been noticing a particular style of fabric on many Congolese that I had previously only associated with West Africa. I had not seen this type of waxed and dyed fabric anywhere. She was standing in the checkout line just ahead of me looking beautifully regal in that Guinean way. I surprised her a bit trying to get her attention but when I began the subject of the fabric, she smiled and introduced me to Bizou Bizou.

The shop is actually several storefronts long, with large doorways open to each section. There is a curtain fabric area where you can also find soft cottons with exquistie 'African motif' patterns ( cozy blankets is how I envision these fabrics being used. When I recently bought only 1 meter for a baby blanket, I was met with an odd stare. Only 1 meter? As if...) They are dreamy and beautiful and soooo expensive.

The second entrance to the store is the equivalent of a late night dance club. The music is booming from two enormous speakers posted at the entrance. Just inside, there is a pile of fabric on the floor slightly resembling those late Ocotber NY leaf piles we used to jump into as children. Women are everywhere grabbing and pawing through the cloth. (Apparently, this is the "sale rack.") A 'DJ' stands perched on a box draped in long, flowing samples and holding a microphone. Somehow, he manages to be louder than the music. His partner stands just by the entrance, decked out in an equally comedic fashion, fabric pieces hanging toga  style. To complete the scene, scraps of fabric are being cut and tossed through the air overhead. Its electric.

It is the second 'DJ' (I can't help but to think of them this way...they dance and sing and call out price reductions with talent and energy) who is the one that will bag your purchases upon exit. He has an abrupt style, grabbing  the fabric from your hands and placing it roughly in a bag along with the customary tearing of the receipt.  Although I know this is coming, it always seems to affect me in the jolting way of a carnival ride with its jerky starts and stops.

Browsing Bizou Bizou, one can find a larger variety of fabric styles, sequins, sparkles, waxed, batik, saris, and silks. Prices are not always marked and bargaining is possible. You must first locate someone to measure and cut your fabric (sold by the meter.) Once cut, the fabric may be tossed and held by the guy at the door or  brought up to the counter. The cutter will call out the number of yards and the price per yard. Somehow, it gets written on a scrap of paper.

This day, I was shopping with Ousmane in preparation for his return to Guinea and also celebration of the Eid. In addition, a new baby had entered the world, and I was hoping to find some fabric that would enfold her with African spirit. Bizou Bizou, always packed, was especially busy today. I noticed 5 or 6 women also clearly shopping for the Eid. I found it difficult to choose items for the Soumah women and wanted to rely on Ousmane for that. It became quickly clear that that was probably a mistake. He could not recall what color they liked or generally wore. I tried to remember the few days we had spent together and also photos I'd seen. I was drawn to some deep reds with shimmering flowers. As I contemplated my purchase, Ousmane noticed someone out the back door using a plastic tea kettel filled with water to wash his hands, head and feet in the manner of Muslims before prayer. "You can wait for me? I am going out to pray." I nodded as I watched him join the man outside. While my cloth was being measaured and cut, I continued to watch Ousmane move through the ablution. He washed his hands, his head and balanced precariously on one foot while trying to rinse and wash the other. I saw a hand move in and take the small plastic tea kettle from him and rinse his feet.

This is the image I carried with me up to the overcrowed and highly confusing checkout. No three receipts here. One line, one hope of maintaining your place in  line (it doesn't exactly move in the linear fashion, its more of a squiggly line in which you hope to be pulled to the cashier by sheer momentum) and finally payment to a cashier who has magically managed to receive all of your fabric and slips of paper outlining the price. I noticed very little of this as I was spiritually still back with Ousmane, just outside the door of a fabric shop, in a foreign country while a stranger washed his feet.