When I was in college I used to pass the last weeks of the semester by counting only the days of class left. A class meeting on Tuesday and Thursday with 3 weeks left would really only have 6 days. Six days is a lot easier to manage mentally then 3 weeks. College flew by in this way.
It is exactly what I'm trying not to do now. Old habits surface easily however and I occasionally find myself in a Sunday dance class thinking: Only 3 more Sundays. I don't want to think this way, I don't want to rush the time by. As if we're ever really in control of such a thing. I think we must be though because time itself is so illusory. I can will the time to pass at a reasonable rate if I just remember to enjoy every minute and take my time.
I am actually enjoying my summer and, scientifically speaking, there are really too many variables to determine a true cause. I always vote for plenty of sunshine first. Vitamin D to the rescue. But I am not blind to the tremendous relief associated with not going to school everyday. I can see how great the negative energy was there and the real effect it had on my psyche, my ability to handle the everyday ups and downs of having 5 children. It is so much easier to manage now. Summer is a wonderful thing.
I am starting to get just slightly nervous about traveling. Pele has begun to speak of Kindergarten Congo, though he remains several years away from school. He says quite firmly that he wants to go to "my Congo." Sure, I tell him, we're going to your Congo but not until August. He's very funny that way.
I can tell Mohamed is more like me and starting to get a bit anxious. What is it really going to be like? I have this sense that there will be no privacy and all of our meltdowns (Pele is getting really great at meltdowns) will be witnessed by all. Though it is a fact of childhood, I am mortified by this.
It all comes down to control. And that is why I reply that my stay in Congo is 10 months. It seems an easier time frame to manage. It will be difficult to be somewhere that I am unfamiliar with. I suppose that will take some time to develop. No more running off to the store if I need something, or even if I don't. A bit less autonomy I think and that is never good for an independent person like me. (Or maybe it is good for humility. Perhaps it will help me to understand what has been going on in my house this past year.)
Step by step we're on our way. And I can get excited about teaching again, even if I'm enjoying my time off.
