Which is why I was surprised at my reaction to the news. The News. I wasn't surprised by the news itself, having suspected somewhere in the back corners of my mind that America would unleash this evil on herself. We've come too far from needing to fight for or protect anything. Americans have been taking the easy life for granted for a long time and forgotten what it's like to go without.
So I wasn't surprised at the official word, but I was surprised at my reaction. I thought I wouldn't have any strong response either way. Maybe a small smile and a raised eyebrow with the begrudging thought "Well, she did it," should Hillary have won. Or a shake of my head and a "Those Americans, they've done it now," in the case of an unspeakable win. But neither of those scenarios played out.
Devastation washed over me like a wave. A great tsunami tidal wave. I was reminded of my French colleagues after the Charlie Hebdo shootings. They were visibly saddend. When offering a routine Bonjour, ca va? they answered by shaking their downcast heads and saying how discouraged they were. There was a school wide notice from the administration and a strong sense of national pride and mourning. I was a little in awe of the intensity.
But today, I found it was on my mind. And when colleagues offered a casual how are you? I couldn't refrain from saying "Dare you ask? It's a travesty..." I admit to feeling American, but even more, I feel human. And I am sorrowful for us. I want schools closed for a day of mourning and flags hung at half-mast.
It seems now we will have a chance to find out if all the checks and balances in place to preserve democracy and power heavy rule actually work. Mr. Michael writes about reassuring children about the future by bringing up those democratic processes designed to prevent total control or out-of-control acts. I'm not so sure.
I was reminded of the literature circle I am leading with a tutoring group. We are reading Red Scarf Girl about the Chinese Cultural Revolution. In order to bring about that drastic policy change, Chairman Mao played to the peasants, the young, the barely formed and the uneducated. He set about reversing historic cultural values and turning social conditions on their head. The have-nots and know-nots were suddenly prized while the educated and successful were persecuted. It sounds eerily and terrifyingly similar to what is happening in the US.
While I don't believe the guy was initially gunning for the head role, nor do I believe he took himself seriously (I actually think each outlandish move was a calculated cry for someone to "please undo this mess I've gotten myself into") now that he is there....now that he has thrown the biggest toddler tantrum possible and gotten his dessert without eating dinner, he is only going to continue experimenting with the limits of power. A kid in a candy shop.
There is a chance the next 2 years won't throw the country - and the world- into turmoil. It's completely possible. But there's every chance it could go the other way too. And more important than all of that is the very fact that intolerance, hatred and egoism remain entrenched in the fabric of American communities.
It's a blow for humankind. That's what my devastation was about. Any small hope I'd harbored (and at this point it was pretty small and deeply buried) has been finally extinguished. Humans cannot turn the bright corner, save the planet, stop war, love themselves or each other. We cannot organize collectively to make decisions in the our best interest. And I am not the only one wondering if the antichrist has arrived.
Or maybe this is the doom before the bringer of peace arrives? Maybe that last little flicker of hope isn't completely extinguished after all.
