Anyone who has traveled, lived out of their growing up zone or just met people from another place can relate to being confronted with thoughts, actions and ways of being that are startlingly strange and take a bit of getting used to.
Most of my personal experience with this had been vicarious- watching people who come to America struggle with all the newness and battle to incorporate their dreams of how they thought it would be with the realities confronting them.
Six years in Congo and I am still understanding the differences in my perception of how things should be, how they actually are and how both sides can be 'right.' Or rather, how neither side is right, just different.
I can identify with many things on list, as an American who has gone back to visit and been confounded by some of the very same issues. Tests (and grocery shopping) in pajamas, food portion sizes and the availability of cold water- often for free- are just a few of the items of note. The most interesting ones to me have to do with social norms.....greetings, the relationship of children to parents and the parameters of friendship are some of the comments that fascinate me most.
All of these ideas work both ways. I've come to expect that asking for water in a restaurant means paying for an entire bottle of water and not merely receiving a free glass of cool, thirst quenching liquid (and no refills.) I've adjusted to the idea that cash is king here, not there, and I am mostly over my cold American greeting- I can usually manage a cheek kiss or quick embrace. I've learned that, when telling time, being 'in the hour' is acceptable (an event that begins at 8 can occur anytime within the hour of 8 up to and including 8:59 and still not be considered late) and I am even getting used to talking my way around a subject, rather than plowing right through it- though this is considerably harder to remember.
My favorite from the list, though, is #8 from Brian Couch and his Nigerian friend. On the issue of interpersonal relationships he writes:
I do remember a Nigerian friend expounding on this by asking me, “If I woke you up in the middle of the night and asked you to come with me, what would you say?”
“I’d ask what was going on…”“You see,” he said. “My friends from my village would come with me, and on the way would ask,
‘Ade, where are we going?’”
I love the way this story paints such a clear example of loyalty. While not asking questions in the doctor's office, or coming up short with details on how a conversation at the embassy went is often frustrating and screams a lack of organization and thoroughness to me, there are plenty of times when you just want unwavering support- no questions, no doubts just trust that your judgement and need are enough. The answer to your "I need you" is merely, "Ok, I'm with you" and all the rest can be sorted out later.
I thought about this one a lot. Because surely there are many who could argue they have this kind of relationship with a friend or family member. They think they would offer middle-of-the-night support and guidance. And I'm sure they would. But in every example I could imagine, in every scene portrayed by the movies and media, there is always that, "Wait, can't you just tell me what's going on?" or " I just don't understand why you're acting this way" moment when the main character loses precious time because his or her sidekick won't just come on and move but demands to know why.
I think it boils down to patience, which is something I often find myself sorely short of. I want understanding and clarity. Now. I don't want myths or trust in the grand plan to guide me. I don't want to rely on faith alone but look for concrete science to back me up. I want to analyze all points and make a sound decision.
But mostly, I want a friend that would rise without question at two am and follow me into the jungle or across the city. If I want a friend like that, then I need to be a friend like that. So I'm learning to embrace the unknown, to have unwavering confidence in others based on qualities about them I know to be true, and just a little bit of faith that my way isn't always the 'right' way. It's not even necessarily about the way but who you're with.
